From The Author
This is not a self-help book written by a relationship expert with academic credentials. Nor is it a guide for fixing broken relationships.
As the author and facilitator of this journey, I come from two large, extended families – maternal and paternal. Like many raised in similar environments, I’ve witnessed my fair share of relationship failures – and a few lasting successes. I’ve seen couples remain together for decades, even while openly admitting they were ‘comfortably unhappy’. That is, they stayed – often for complicated reasons – despite being fully aware of their emotional dissatisfaction.
Driven by a deep desire to understand human connection, longing and emotion, I began to reflect on the recurring issues that wear down long-term relationships. These reflections – humble as they may be – form the foundation of this book. They shed light on the often-overlooked reasons that relationships unravel, the subtle triggers that can ultimately lead to separation or divorce.
What follows is not a set of rigid rules. Rather, these are key dimensions – what I call shades – to help you clarify what you want and need in a lifelong partner. These seven shades are presented in no particular order, except for the first, which I believe is the cornerstone of every meaningful relationship:
- Communication
- Family
- Finance
- Interest
- Domestic
- Spirituality
- Sexuality
Let’s briefly define each:
- Communication, family and finance are fairly self-explanatory.
- Interest refers to the activities that energise you – hobbies, passions, and pursuits that bring joy and connection.
- Domestic covers your shared living environment – how you build and maintain your space together.
- Spirituality (distinct from organised religion) explores the role a higher power or inner belief system plays in your relationship.
- Sexuality encompasses physical connection and chemistry, but also the emotional and psychological factors that drive intimacy and attraction.
Why Purple?
I chose purple as the guiding metaphor, because it represents balance – a mix of elements essential for a lasting relationship. Purple is a secondary colour, born from blending blue and red (or cyan and magenta). Alter the ratio, and the shade changes.
- Blue symbolises wisdom, trust, loyalty and intellect – the calm, stabilising traits of the mind.
- Red represents fire, passion, love and emotional intensity.
- Purple, then, stands for strength, transformation and regal depth.
In my view, enduring relationships that elevate both partners require a thoughtful blend of:
- Wisdom and intelligence – the blue;
- Passion and emotional fire – the red.
Of course, some couples find love effortlessly – through chemistry or sheer luck. Others stumble through heartbreak and trial and error until settling into something that feels ‘good enough’, often labelled as comfortable unhappiness.
This book, however, is not about couples. It’s about you.
It’s a personal journey – a tool for introspection. It’s designed to help you understand what drives you, what matters to you, and what type of partner truly complements your values. It’s about uncovering the essential shades of purple that align with your core self, so that you can better recognise a partner who mirrors and supports your vision of long-term happiness.
At the end of the book, you’ll find a personal checklist and a checklist that paints a picture of your ideal soulmate. Don’t rush through them. Mark your answers lightly. Pause, reflect and reconsider. Then – and only when you feel confident in your truth – ink it.
For each shade, mark it as either:
- Must-list item – non-negotiable; essential to your happiness and emotional health.
- Wish list item – nice to have, but not critical for a fulfilling partnership.
This is a journey of self-discovery. It may be uncomfortable at times. It requires maturity, honesty and courage.
I don’t claim to have all the answers, nor do I believe the seven shades are the only ingredients for lasting love. But I do believe that they hold meaningful truths – small pearls of insight – that may help you better understand yourself and what you seek in a lifelong partner.
So come along on this exciting journey across the globe. Open your mind. Open your heart. And, above all, be honest with yourself.